change, choosing love, happiness, life, love, marriage, Uncategorized

​The broken road. . .

 

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Have you ever had your heart so broken that you probably thought you would never be able to recover? I’ve been reflecting on what has been of my life recently and what I always imagined it would be like. During teen years I believe we have a good amount of heartbreak. Either caused by our friends, family, decisions, and relationships. I personally believe those heartbreaks are the ones that set the road for the rest of our lives.

Out of all the multiple heartbreak and disappointments I’ve gone through, there have been many situations I’ve played over and over again in my head and I always ask myself this question, is this destiny or is this consequences of my actions? Is my life already written? Does God really have a plan for me? Can I change my destiny? Am I getting what I deserve and asked for? Is this the platform for the rest of my life?

Not only did I see a broken road ahead of me before the sun. I saw darkness and fear. I had this giant doubt within myself and what I was capable of doing. I remember telling God and no longer asking him for it but demanding him that I NEEDED CHANGE. I said, “give me what you want as long as it’s what I need.” I kid you not it took less than 3 months and God put me in my place. PRAYER TRULY IS POWERFUL.

The course of this recent and past year has been very eye-opening to me and has truly made me a huge believer that God gives you not what you ask for but what you need. God has mended aches in my heart from the past and has truly given me what I needed to heal. When I believed all was lost and all was gone he had a plan for me all along. I just needed to be patient and listen. Heartbreak I believed I would never recover from literally lead me down a path to a life I would have never imagined in my wildest dreams.

God has placed me on this road that sometimes it’s hard not to question or doubt because it has brought me the most wonderful blessings ever. Although they say God never makes mistakes it hard when at times it feels so surreal. The heartbreaks and the past mistakes have been definitely been worth it all. I would do it all over again if I knew it would lead me down this path. To where now I have this self-esteem that NO ONE could ever take from me. I have faith that is stronger than ever and most importantly where I have a home with a husband that loves me unconditionally and takes me for who I am.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

life, love, toxic

Too much love

Is there a thing as loving too much? Or caring too much about someone?

Could too much love or attention hurt someone rather than help them? In any relationship should love and attentions be measured? How much love is too little or too much?

Personally in my own life I am a strong lover. I love immensely, deeply and madly. I care so much for my love ones, especially my sisters they are my world. I’ve always thought that too much love when it comes to them can be a little toxic. Sometimes I know I can be a little too much to handle. I need to give them enough love, tough love and space as well.

My sister Jass is the perfect example of an expert at giving tough love. She literally gives everyone tough love especially me. She doesn’t sugar coat things and I admire her so much for that. She has taught me so much especially how to be a better person. Jasmine has the type of personality that you can only give her so much love before she gets annoyed or tells you not to touch her or especially hug her. She hates hugs. I love hugs I’m a huger and sometimes I’ll hug her just to piss her off LOL

My other sister is the complete opposite of Jass and myself. She is the baby, she loves attention and love. According to her she hates when we baby her, but honestly we all know how sensitive she is and if we don’t show her love she’s like “what am I, a roach?” She has such a funny humor and sass. She’s a little sassy version of me. I love to give her so many attentions and love, but I know spoiling her isn’t always best. She can be so loving when she gets her way and it makes me so happy when she comes around and shows me more affection than usual, but she can also be so sassy when she’s in a bad mood.

I feel like each person in a way can only handle so much love. whether it’s needed or desired. Love is like power, give someone too much power and it gets to their head. Love can be measured and honestly in my opinion it should only be given when deserved. Sometimes you give lots of love and attentions to someone who won’t truly appreciate it or acknowledge it. Love can be powerful, but can also be dreadful it can drain you and make you toxic when it has been given to the wrong people.

change, choosing love, happiness, life, love, self care, self-love

Growing

Do you ever just feel like you haven’t grown enough? Or you grew to fast?

Growing is such a complex word that can be used in various ways. You can grow in your faith, grow in your career and grow out of love and grow in love. These past few days and months have been such a growing process for me. I’ve been trying to figure out so many changes in my life.

I’ve been growing in love, in faith and growing in the power of believing in myself. I’ve decided to continue my passions and do what is best for me and my loved ones. In my process of growing I’ve realize I have become more aware of others feelings besides my own. I have realized that in order for my happiness to grow within myself it has to grow with my loved ones as well.

My husband has been the light of my eyes for the past 7 years and has helped me to grow in my faith and in my happiness. If I had to describe him in one word it would be light. He is a little ray of sunshine that lights up everything and everyone that crosses his path. Seeing his passion for growth in everything he does motivates me. He believes in growing and learning everyday.

Growing in his faith, in his knowledge and in his success is something he inspires to do every single day. He has pushed me to my limits. He has pushed me to grow out of my comfort zone and believe in myself and in anything I do. Growing alongside with my husband and by myself will be a long process, but I believe that with god and the power of love anything is possible.

I am determined to continue to grow in my faith because without god nothing in my life will be possible. I will continue to grow in love with my husband and everything that we do. I will grow in believing in myself,  in my passions, in my happiness and not let ANYTHING get in the way of my growing process.

 

choosing love, happiness, life, love, self care, self-love

Learning Self Love . .

Self love is such a complex topic to talk about. Not sure where to start . .

IMG_7809Back in October I decided to Continue my Blog. I had been doing this for years on and off. Honestly I always wanted to be a writer but that wasn’t in the cards for me. I loved Literature and Writing back in high school, but I wasn’t as passionate about it as I am in working with families and children. ANYWAYS, Back to self-love. I’m guessing that’s why I didn’t become a writer I’m always of topic. SELF LOVE it sounds so simply yet so difficult. I love reading these tweets and Facebook post about self-love and honestly as much as I try not to,  I JUDGE. I know shame on me. At first I thought to myself do they really know what self-love is? Or is it me? Do I know what self love is?

self-love;

ˈˌself ˈləv
noun
  1. regard for one’s own well-being and happiness (chiefly considered as a desirable rather than narcissistic characteristic).

Thanks Google.

 

Self love is “regard for one’s own well-being and happiness.” I need self-love. I need to learn what it is and what it means. Don’t get me wrong I love myself, but do I love myself enough? I struggled A LOT in the past with”self-love.”  I’ve decide to Love my self unconditionally now. To respect myself, challenge myself and trust myself. I tend to get consumed in all the problems I think I have, and forget all I have to do is change my prospective. Life gives us the opportunity to see how significant we are to ourselves and one another. I am going to love myself immensely each day.

Uncategorized

October 24th, 2017

On days like this all I want is to stay in bed and cuddle with Zeus. The room feels cool with a small amount of warmth. He is laying on his bed breathing hard. He woke me up about twice in the morning around 3am and 6am. As I got up to take him out the second time, I start feeling a rush go through my body. Maybe it’s the cold air hitting me as I open the door for him or the excitement that my subconscious is feeling about the wedding. These 20 months of engagement with Oscar have flown by. It honestly feels like Oscar got down on one knee and asked me to marry him just yesterday. Oscar, Zeus and marriage is all I’ve thought about for the last few months. It has really taken over my life. It’s a feeling of excitement, joy and terror all at once. I hate change, it’s something I don’t deal with very well. The thought of changing the rhythm of life is somewhat scary in a good way. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with him, but I’m also nervous about leaving my home. It’s something that is actually easier said than done. I feel like I’m leaving a huge part of me in my home. The person I once was is starting a new life. It’s definitely something I’ve always wanted without a doubt. He is truly the definition of my happiness. Theres not a day that passes by that I didn’t wished it was November 4th already. I loved all the planning and organizing but honestly I just want it to be over. It’s excruciating  pain holding down so much excitement and different feeling all at once. The excitement and nerves come harder each day as the days goes by. We are literally down the wire and I can’t wait to marry this man.